It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
