Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
