You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Randomize
