Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
