i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
