Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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