I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
