I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
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