On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Randomize
