no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
