I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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