My friends, they love my intelligence
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
