the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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