we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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