I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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