Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
