It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
