he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
