i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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