i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
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