I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
