its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
