Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I wish I could teleport
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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