I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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