I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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