Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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