you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
