My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Randomize
