I'm sorry my penis didn't work
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
