I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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