the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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