between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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