I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Randomize
