Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
