It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
