Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
