Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
