I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
