I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
