The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
