Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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