Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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