she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
