it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
