You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
y did u give ur computer a hand job?
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
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