This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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