Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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