i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
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I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
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My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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