and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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