dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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