3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
