I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Randomize
