Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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