mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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