Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
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