I cockslap morals
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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