i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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