Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
