I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Come share oat with me in your robe
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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