Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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