I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
