Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
They have beer where we have blood.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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