great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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