I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
