a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
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