these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
