your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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