where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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