Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
