The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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