Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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