I want to make a zoo with you.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
