I heard we made out
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
