can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
