and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
