IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Randomize
