Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Randomize
