He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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