doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
